A Story of Amazing Grace
By Pastor Ryan deJonge
Jeffrey and Monica’s marriage is a miracle of God’s grace. If you are in a marriage that desperately needs a miracle, then I hope you will read this story and find hope.
It began in 2010 the way too many marriages in Papua New Guinea start: with an unexpected pregnancy. Monica was a young woman who went to church each Sunday, played guitar, led the youth, and seemed committed to serving God. Jeffrey was working at a local hardware store during the day and drinking, stealing, and throwing rocks at churches at night. Jeffrey had only known Monica for a few months when their relationship turned sexual. Monica became pregnant, and Jeffrey immediately left her to go to school in Kavieng.
Monica felt like she was living a nightmare. “It was very difficult,” is the only way she can describe it. She was supposed to be a leader and model Christian at church, but now her sin was exposed. She felt very badly and apologised to the church, but deep down she felt ashamed for what she had done, and angry with God for letting it happen.
Jeffrey completed a three-month program in Kavieng, then got work on a ship that made deliveries all the way up and down the North coast of PNG. Being away most of the time, he provided little support for Monica and for their new baby. When he did return to Lae, it would have been better if he had stayed away. He would drink, get angry, beat up Monica, and then leave again.
Then things got worse. Monica became very ill, and was hardly even able to look after their daughter. Monica desperately needed Jeffrey to come and help her, but instead he returned from the boat one evening, got drunk, got in a fight, and was arrested by the police. He was sentenced to six-months in prison for public drunkenness and assaulting a police officer.
Whenever Monica would plead with him to change, Jeffrey would tell her, “My head and my heart are like stone. There is no man who can break me.” But in prison, something started to happen; God started to break Jeffrey. “I started to think about what I had done wrong and why I was in prison,” he says. Some of the leaders from Monica’s church would regularly visit Jeffrey, sharing God’s Word with him, and praying for him. Then Jeffrey started to pray by himself. A thought entered his head, “I want to serve God.”
After two months, family bailed Jeffrey out of jail, and he returned to his work on the ship. But he also went back to drinking. He wanted to change his life, and he started to go to church, pray more, and read his Bible. But he kept drinking, even getting drunk before visits from the church leaders. The problems continued in his life and in his marriage. Jeffrey knew something would have to change. But what? He was making a lot of money working on the ship. He enjoyed drinking. He was like a stone. He was hard to change.
“There is no one who can carry this burden for you. You have to look to Christ.”
But God changed him. Jeffrey knew what he had to do. He quit work on the ship, and in 2015, he quit drinking. He realised that he would never find true life in a good job, a good fortnight, or a good beer. “True life is in God,” he says now. As Jeffrey committed to coming to church more, he and Monica began a marriage course at their local church, with Pastor Isidore Aufa. It was then that Jeffrey found out what true marriage in the Lord was, and his heart broke thinking of how he failed as a husband and a father. He completely broke down, said sorry to God, and asked for forgiveness. He knew that if he was going to be a true husband and a true father, he couldn’t do it on his own. So, he committed his life to the Lord Jesus in November 2016 and joined the church.
As God was working in Jeffrey’s life, he was also working in Monica’s. As Jeffrey continually drank, beat her up, and was eventually put in prison, Monica started questioning God. “Why did God let this happen to me? Why did He give me this pain?” she asked. “I felt like I wanted to run away, I even tried to, but it didn’t give me peace.” Another Reformed pastor and his wife came close to Monica at this time, and pointed her to Christ: “There is no one who can carry this burden for you. You have to look to Christ.”
So Monica did look to Christ – as did Jeffrey – and Christ has made massive changes in both of their hearts.
Christ broke Jeffrey’s heart and He pulled Monica’s heart back to Himself.
But their struggle is not over. They still need to look to Christ constantly. Jeffrey no longer struggles with drinking, but he still gets angry, and has sometimes fallen into the sin of hitting his wife. Sometimes Jeffrey comes home tired after going to school, where he is studying to become a mechanic, then goes to work to earn a little money to help the family, followed by some evening program for the church. After a day like this, he is completely exhausted and asks God, “Why did you change me? This life is so hard.” Monica finds the burden very hard too. Especially when they are fighting with each other, she wants to give up and run away.
But Monica and Jeffrey have learned that these struggles are like a school. Before, their burdens overwhelmed them, but now they see how Christ is using their struggles to humble them, teach them, and change them. By God’s grace, He will continue to change them and love them, so that their story continues to be a miracle of His amazing grace.
Monica & Jeffery are now faithful members of Living Water Reformed Church in Kamkumung, Lae, where Pastor Isidore Aufa is the pastor. Since then God has blessed them with another child.
Questions for Reflection
- What was the beginning of Monica and Jeffrey’s marriage like?
- What tools did God use to work in Jeffrey’s life? How did He work in Monica’s life?
- “Grace” is defined as “unearned favour” or “kindness that you don’t deserve.” How was this true in Monica and Jeffrey’s marriage?
- How does this story challenge you? How can your marriage become a miracle of God’s grace?